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Why is my toddler such a picky eater?
The most common questions parents ask me are about coping with picky eaters and getting kids to eat nutritious foods. Here is an overview of how to approach feeding children and the whole family, which is relevant to the mother whose twins hold out for fruit and yogurt, the child who eats jarred vegetables but not fresh, the toddler who refuses meat, the preschooler who wants only pasta and bread, and the mother who tries to feed her kids the same foods she cooks for herself and her husband, “but they look at me like I'm trying to poison them.”

Ah, yes, I've seen that “What in the world is this toxic stuff you slipped onto my plate?” face many times! Don't worry. Being skeptical about new things, especially new food, is normal for young children. Be patient and let your child learn to eat new foods at his own pace. Feeding children with different personalities and food preferences can be a challenge, but don't be tempted to make different foods for different kids. Serve one meal for the whole family. Think of it like this: as the parent your job is to put a meal on the table and stick to it. A meal includes vegetables and/or fruit, grains (bread, pasta, polenta, tortillas, rice, and so on), a source of protein (meat, tofu, fish, poultry, beans, eggs, etc), and usually a source of calcium (milk, cheese, yogurt, fortified soy milk). You decide what is on the menu, your kids don't. Occasionally each person gets lucky when their favorite foods are served, but peanut butter and jelly (or macaroni & cheese, or chicken nuggets) isn't always on the menu. It is a good idea to have something on the table that every child tolerates, even if it is just the bread, tortillas, rice or mashed potatoes. And you will of course have to mash food for babies, cut it into small bits for toddlers and otherwise make food easy for children to eat.

But this point is important, your job is NOT to get your kids eat. Parents sometimes feel they should try to get food into kids no matter what it takes. However, children's bodies' naturally know how much they should eat to grow well. Pressuring kids to eat only leads to power struggles. When children are presented with a variety of foods, they do, over time, eat a varied diet. Over time is the key phrase here – look at what they are eating over several days or a week. If your child is refusing meats, keep them on the menu and let him decide whether or not to eat them, but also serve other sources of protein and iron: tofu, beans, chicken, eggs, nut butters. If he refuses vegetables, again, don't abandon them, just make sure you are also serving plenty of fruit and beans, which have many of the same nutrients. If your twins go on a self-imposed “white food diet” of bread, pasta and rice, don't panic, just keep offering a variety of delicious foods and trust that this too shall pass.

Sometimes, when kids are picky, we are tempted to serve whatever they will eat, just to get some food into them. But this actually encourages picky eating in the long run. How will a child to learn to like chicken, for example, if she knows she can hold out for fruit and yogurt? She won't and it only makes more work for you. Practice saying these things calmly: “This is what is for dinner. No, you don't have to eat it. We have a lot of food on the table and if you are hungry, find something to eat because we won't be having another meal (or snack) for x hours.” You will find that children want to grow and progress with eating and they do it naturally if we stay calm and put delicious meals on the table for the whole family.

Lunch Ideas?
My kids can't bring any peanut products to school due to a child in their class with severe allergies. My boys don't like sandwiches very much yet. What are some suggestions beyond sandwiches for healthy main entrees besides yogurt and cheese that appeal to toddlers?

A: What to pack for lunch is a common dilemma! Sandwiches can be tough for preschoolers because they are difficult to get a whole little mouth around and bite into. One suggestion is to break the sandwich down into its parts and serve them separately in baggies or containers: sliced or diced turkey, chicken or roast beef, sliced or diced cheese, and bread, toast or crackers. Other kinds of nut butters, depending on the allergy situation, are great with jelly too: almond butter, tahini or sesame butter, cashew butter, even macadamia nut butter (very decadent and delicious). Hard-boiled egg is good either whole or sliced with an egg slicer, and a scrambled egg sandwich is pretty soft and easy to eat. Another suggestion is to pack a container of hummus with crackers and/or cooked carrot sticks for dipping. A Thermos can hold bean chili or pasta with diced chicken.

Veggies for Toddlers?
It seems like my toddler lives on frozen peas, carrots and corn. What are some other popular toddler vegetable options?

A: The vegetables the adults in your family eat are perfect, as long as they are soft, cooked, cut up or fixed in a way that is easy for toddlers to eat. Small cubes of soft cooked potatoes, sweet potatoes, golden beets (less messy than red beets!), winter squash and parsnips are all good finger foods for toddlers, and so are cooked spinach and chard. Broccoli or cauliflower “trees” sautéed with garlic and olive oil are delicious. Avocado is soft and yummy and a good source of vitamin E. I like to slice jicama very, very thin for toddlers to bite with those few front teeth. Toddlers can also eat lettuce salads (soft like butter lettuce, not crunchy like romaine) especially if it is served as finger food with dressing to dip the lettuce into.

How much juice, milk and water?
I do not give my boys juice. I've been told they should eat their fruit, not drink it. How much milk and water do you suggest for toddlers?

A: It is true that children don't need juice, they need fruit. Anytime you juice an apple you leave behind the fiber, so an apple is always a better choice than apple juice. For kids who do drink juice, it should be limited to about 4 ounces a day for toddlers and preschoolers and 8 ounces a day for school-age kids. I don't suggest watering juice down because we want kids to develop the taste for water, not sweetened water. I can't tell you how many adults I know who don't drink water. The amount of water kids need depends on many factors, like age, size, activity, and weather, but 8 ounces a day is a minimum. You could serve water at snack time and milk at meals or vice versa. Food, especially fruit and vegetables, is a good source of fluid too.

Children between one and three years old need two 8-ounce cups of milk a day or the equivalent to meet their calcium needs. If they are not big milk drinkers they can eat yogurt (6 to 8 ounces is the same as 8 ounces of milk) or cheese (1½ ounces is the same as 8 ounces of milk). Soy milk that is fortified with calcium and vitamin D is another option. Two of the best soy milks are West Soy Plus Plain and Silk Plain because they have more fat and protein than other brands, which is important for young children. Between four and eight years old, kids need three cups a day or the equivalent.

My child won't eat vegetables!
My 15-month-old ate everything when she first started solid foods. Now she won't eat vegetables. It doesn't seem to matter how I cook them they get rejected.

A: It is amazing how many kids who were once great eaters get more finicky between 12 and 24 months! But don't despair. Remember that children learn to like foods when they are repeatedly served them in a positive atmosphere. So, keep all the rejected vegetables on the menu, but don't force your daughter to eat them or make a big deal about the vegetables one way or another. Hopefully you are offering them the same foods the adults in the family are eating (mashed, diced or otherwise made toddler-friendly) so that there isn't extra work for you. Fruit has many of the same nutrients that vegetables do, so you can fall back on it. Offer plenty of orange fruits when they are in season (peach, apricot, mango, papaya) and citrus fruits. Dried beans also have many of the same vitamins and minerals and lots of kids adore refried beans, bean soup, rice and beans, bean burritos and so on. Finally, I find that many children will eat vegetables in a vegetable soup that they wouldn't eat otherwise. My daughter, for example, happily eats turnips and rutabagas in soups that are warm and flavored with onion, garlic, tomato and broth.

Breakfast ideas?
We're going through a breakfast slump. What else can we feed our toddlers other than French toast, pancakes, waffles and the occasional scrambled eggs?

A: I think hot cereals make a wonderful breakfast at any time of year. Most toddlers handle a spoon well enough to eat foods that stick to the spoon. Try whole grain cereals like oatmeal (unsweetened – you can always add your own sweetener), Wheatena, even polenta makes a great whole grain breakfast. Kashi and Lundberg make delicious hot cereals, and my new favorite is Hodgson Mill's Multi-Grain Hot Cereal. Sweeten cereals with applesauce, brown sugar, or maple syrup. Add dried fruit like raisins or cranberries or diced dried apples. Almonds, crumbled walnuts or pecans are also delicious in hot cereal. Just make sure your toddler's hot cereal is not too hot and remember that nuts and dried fruits can be choking hazards for young children, so chop them finely.

What about Iron?
As my boys have transitioned off of breast milk and formula, I have focused more and more on their iron consumption. I continue to feed them baby cereal in the morning and sneak tofu in everywhere I can. They are not yet real meat eaters. What are some other tricks you may have to ensure that toddlers get the iron they need?

A: Iron-deficiency is common in toddlers, especially if they were born prematurely. Many pediatricians check babies' iron status at 9 months to a year. If you are concerned about iron intake, continue to serve iron-fortified infant cereal until 15 to 18 months. Serve hard-boiled egg yolk moistened with water. Older babies and toddlers have trouble with meat and poultry that is dry and hard to chew with only a few teeth. You really need molars to chew meat. So, use ground meats in pasta sauces and casseroles. Meat balls and meat loaf are soft and easy to eat. Mix ground or finely diced meats with mashed potato or pureed vegetables to make them easier to swallow. Beans are also great sources of iron, as in tofu, tempeh, hummus, and refried beans. A source of vitamin C eaten with a source of iron helps iron absorption, especially iron from plant foods. Try citrus fruits, berries (strawberries, blueberries, raspberries), melons, potatoes, and bell peppers, which are all good sources of vitamin C. As children get older they can eat iron-rich nut butters very thinly spread on crackers.